这个学期的时间表还真紧迫。钢琴，原本打算放弃了，不过还是选择继续。大概是学久了有感情吧。即使我不太喜欢乐理，也很懒得练琴，但偶尔还是喜欢弹琴来消磨时光。不过，最近可真容易觉得累呢。从早上上课至下午，回到家连午睡的时间也没有就得匆忙准备出门上钢琴课。呵呵。老实说生活实在是充实得很啊!很开心......自从学会放下以后，下定决心的感觉果真不错呢。如果不是那些对我说出如此严厉的话语的人；那些伤害过我的人；那些在旁协助我的人，现在我还是没办法每一天那么开心生活吧。曾经，真的很迷茫。对我来说，结果比过程轻松多了。因为结果是直接的，而过程却是各种各样的，让人无法预测过程中会发生什么事。呵呵。现在，我很庆幸自己有今天。真的很感激很感激......
说实在的，最近可能也有些忙，导致自己没什么好好休息吧。再加上晚上睡觉都睡得很不安呢。好象一直在作梦，但是醒来后就忘了。因为醒来后，满脑子又在计划当天该做的事情。呵呵。我真的过得很开心，也很珍惜这样的日子。我感觉得到老天爷都有听见我的心声，一直替我实现。真的很感激......噢。最近啊，这几天一直下雨呢。天气挺阴凉的，原本应该炎热的下午却下起大雨来。夜晚也是啊。嗯，有时候我真的很害怕黑暗，很害怕听见雷雨声。即使无雷阵雨，仅是大雨滴答地落在我单独入睡的夜晚，难免都会有些不安。前几天晚上发了恶梦呀。才睡下去一个小时就被恶梦惊醒了。真的是很讨厌呀~明明都累得无力撑住了，但每一次恶梦后都无法入睡啊。以前做了恶梦后，半夜三更醒来就立刻找人家陪我说话。那个时候，还是有人陪着的呢。现在啊，已经没有了。也不知是不是因为人长大了，慢慢正在失去某些东西，而那些东西都只是曾经拥有的。那个时候我总在想，现在的我已经找不到对的对象在深夜里陪伴我了。不过失去也未必是件坏事呀。毕竟，这是我自己的生活，不会有人愿意停留在我身边吧。再说，我已经正在学习面对一切，我想我也正慢慢地变得坚强吧。所以，没有必要为此而感到伤心了。这是我的生活，我自己的生活。既然接受了就要努力去实行，因此我得付出应有的努力才对。一味依赖别人可学不会成长及解决的噢。所以，那天晚上发了恶梦后，虽然还是勉强找了个朋友来陪我，但还是，对我来说一切已经正在慢慢改变了。以后，我尽量不会再靠任何人了。我相信我做得到的。因为，现在我已经在实行了......许多许多事情都已经开始学会自己想办法解决，我想没有必要诉说出来吧，毕竟我自己有那个能力去做我能够做的事情呀。
所以，林聆虹你一定要加油哦!要向前看哦!昨晚跟一个朋友提到一点作恶梦的事情，及一点点的感受，不知为何会有种想哭的感觉。大概是，一个人撑久了，如果身边有个依靠的话，我就会不自觉地开始依赖对方了吧。现在的我，不需要什么男朋友，毕竟那不是我生活的目标。我，只是想要去珍惜我身边所拥有的一切，去实现我想要实现的梦。我要我的梦不只是梦，而将来会是个现实。所以，我一定要努力。我相信自己是不平凡的。一定要加油!让我的心灵，得到真正的欢乐。这是最重要的。一颗自由快乐的心灵，可以创造我人生中许多意外的事情哦。林聆虹，你已经不是那个爱哭包，不是那个只懂得在被伤害后哭泣的女孩了。我相信你，我相信你，我相信你一定可以。要勇往直前哦!!!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
收拾心情了!!! 呼!
开学以后，又回到以往上学的日子了。之前把第一个部落关闭了，现在也不想去开启它。那里，封锁着太多太多悲伤的回忆了。我，暂时无心打开悲伤的盒子。上个学期的假期来的正是时候呀，让自己陷入挣扎的窘境；对自己和他定下承诺；一个人努力赴于眼前该做的事情。呵呵。在那之后，真的在假期期间垮了。垮的那一刻，那两个星期内，与其说自己难受，不如说自己多么不识得怎么快乐的生活吧。现在的我才知道，原来开心地过日子，真的能够让一个人坚强起来，勇敢地往前走。我承认那时候我对许多伤害我的人是多么地失望，根本已无心再为任何人付出什么，即使只是朋友。绝望吗?呵呵，不至于吧。只是自己真的很迷惑，只是不知道自己该怎么站起来而已。啊，这，也是那些伤害过我的人的功劳啊!当然，那些沿路帮助我的人，也给了我希望。今年历尽的事情还真不少呢。当然，今年还没结束呀!所以，来日不管还会面对什么，我都要自己，坚强微笑着面对。我知道我不该依赖任何人了......依赖人虽是我出生自今的习惯，但是现在的我反而想尝试自己站起来去尽力而为。虽然我不知道自己能够做多少，但是我只想凭自己的能力和力量去创造我的希望!这一次能够如此开朗快乐，真的很不简单。除了童年时期的欢乐及无忧，自从人学会懂事以后，世间的一切似乎变得复杂了些。这，或许是因为我们渐渐长大，没有幼小般的单纯看待这世面，更没幼小般容易寻找自己的欢乐。自振作以来，开学以后，我甚少以文字写下自己的心情及想法了。但是，我从来没有与自己断绝联络，因为我一直一直，在心里默默地以文字说话。我喜欢文字，喜欢现在的自己。虽然这一路成长的过程偶尔哭泣，但是对于现在的我，围绕在我身边的人、事、物，已经是我最大的幸福了!拥有现在我拥有的，是我最珍贵的一切啊。真的很感谢老天爷赐予我这么美妙的一切。往后的日子还长得很，虽然我很胆小也有些害怕面对过于残酷的现实，不过我不能再这样畏缩呀!!!如果继续这样下去，不勇于向前走的话，到底要怎么过活啦!!!凡事真的得看开点呀!!!不能过度施压于自己，否则只会苦了自己而已。眼前的景幕看来似乎毫无动静，可是我的内心却深深地感受到周遭的一切正渐渐地改变啊。太微妙了......就连我自己，竟然也会有今天的我!所以说，林聆虹!!!一定要勇往直前啊!!!为了自己，为了创造、留下值得大家留念的事物、为了要让自己活得光鲜色彩，一定要，坚强地往前走。不要再害怕了。多困难艰辛，也要一直紧抓自己最真实的内心!千万千万，一定要带着你真正的希望活下去。因为，你真的太太太幸福了。以后，不要再流泪了。虽然，现在的我已经尽力着，也已经有些许成就了。答应我，即使难过得想哭，哭过以后，一定要收拾好心情，拿出勇气一直走下去!!!勇气会一直陪伴你的。你也可以很不一样的!!!林聆虹。我相信，你是特别的。因为，你的名字已经很特别了......这是父母上为你取的呀。真的，很棒。不过，在这一次的过程中，帮助我最大最多的，莫过于他，敬治です。
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
MY KIND OF BOY
Now, here's what you're supposed to do, and please do not spoil the fun. Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag 20 of your friends here in Blogspot to answer this. Then see what happens.
If you are a guy- post this as my kind of girl..
If you are a girl- post it as my kind of boy..
1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?
~Moderate will do, but must be cute. XD
2. Smart?
~Of course,if not how to guide me?
3. Preferred age?
~elder than me, emm 2 or 3 years will do.
4. Preferred height?
~Of course must be tall....taller than me la. haha.
5. How about sense of humor?
~Of course!!! Cause I am the quiet type
6. How about piercings?
~Only ears ok. I cannot accept others already.
7. Accepts you for who you are?
~Of course!!! Must understand what I need as well.
8. Pink hair?
~Guys with Pink hair NO WAY!!! Out of my list. That 1 is not a guy already. If he's not my target then I have no comment.
9. Mushy or no?
~Not too much, a bit of 1% will do.
10. Thin or fat?
~Medium or fit.
11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
~Err, I prefer fair skin guy, but of course a bit tanned is good!!!
12. Long hair or short hair?
~Half Half la, but must look smart and tidy.
13. Plastic or metal?
~Plastic as in his personality, cause can be more free with him ( I don't really get this question... Just crapping )
14. Smells good?
~Umm, I don't know. I have to accept if he smells bad as well, cause he was born like that.
15. Smoker?
~I am gonna kill him.
16. Drinker?
~Drink??? What he wants to drink? Fruit juice, coffee, tea... So many choices, I can make 1 for him.
17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
~That's cool also.
18. Muscular?
~Emm Aiyo told already !!! Medium la!!!
19. Plays piano?
~Err, not really necessary.
20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
~He's cool.
21. Plays violin?
~That would be MY PRINCE!!! ( You believe me ar? )
22. Sings very good?
~Um, yeah must! I don't want he cannot sing well but still thick face somemore sing loudly.
23. Vain?
~Must be loh!!! But also must have his own way of thinking.
24. With glasses?
~Can also! But some guys with specs very handsome eh. I like more polite people.
25. With brace?
~I'm blur.
26. Shy type?
~Not too shy... Cause I'm already shy!!! He must be the opposite side of me, then it will be better.
27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
~Good boy boy loh of course!!!
28. Active or passive?
~Active! Hee... Better can go crazy with me in topics or whatever when we should!!!
29. Tight or bomb?
~Half half la.
30. Singer or dancer?
~Cannot la, later he too popular no time accompany me, some more has to escape from papparazi.
31. Stunner?
~Cannot la! Too dangerous. I will worry anytime he will die.
32. Hiphop?
~Anything loh. Why asking all these almost similar question 1. Bored.
33. Earrings?
~One side will do. But My parents don't like, no choice loh even I don't mind. Cause they sure critic and... you know. PANTANG ( Cause looks girlish )
34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
~ I want someone to be my prince and I be his princess forever!!!
35. Dimples?
~If he has, anything also can.
36. Bookworm?
~Don't bookworm until leave me aside can already. It is good as well cause we can read together and shop the bookstore!!!
37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
~Super touching already!!! If he's the guy I admire. But must be touching love letter la, that's why guys must be KNOWLEDGEABLE.
38. Playful?
~Must act according to situation, but don't playful until shows that you are immature.
39. Flirt?
~A bit can la, but must be from true heart, if not I will just ignore I that is too cheesy for me. You know too cheesy can make people like me dislike cheese so much vomit 1.
40. Poem writer?
~Not bad also.
41. Serious?
~Of course la!!!
42. Campus crush?
~No way... Later got rumors around. So stressed you know!!!
43. Painter?
~Wow I love it. Cause he sure can draw a nice 1!!! Then can see the look when he's concentrating loh.
44. Religious?
~Ok for me, but my parents... Haiz again, PANTANG. kesian. However I still love him ^^
45. Someone who likes to tease people?
~Not too much, if not I will get emo.
46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
~No No No!!! Internet still ok, but depends on what kind of Internet activities he does.
47. Speaks 20 languages?
~He's wonderful. But I don't mind he only knows how to speak 1 or 2 languages.
48. Loyal or faithful?
~Both la.
49. good kisser
~What to do with it oh? I prefer communication more.
50. loves children??
~Of course la!!! I don't want to live with a husband or even a boyfriend who is an abuser!!! NO WAY!!!
If you are a guy- post this as my kind of girl..
If you are a girl- post it as my kind of boy..
1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?
~Moderate will do, but must be cute. XD
2. Smart?
~Of course,if not how to guide me?
3. Preferred age?
~elder than me, emm 2 or 3 years will do.
4. Preferred height?
~Of course must be tall....taller than me la. haha.
5. How about sense of humor?
~Of course!!! Cause I am the quiet type
6. How about piercings?
~Only ears ok. I cannot accept others already.
7. Accepts you for who you are?
~Of course!!! Must understand what I need as well.
8. Pink hair?
~Guys with Pink hair NO WAY!!! Out of my list. That 1 is not a guy already. If he's not my target then I have no comment.
9. Mushy or no?
~Not too much, a bit of 1% will do.
10. Thin or fat?
~Medium or fit.
11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
~Err, I prefer fair skin guy, but of course a bit tanned is good!!!
12. Long hair or short hair?
~Half Half la, but must look smart and tidy.
13. Plastic or metal?
~Plastic as in his personality, cause can be more free with him ( I don't really get this question... Just crapping )
14. Smells good?
~Umm, I don't know. I have to accept if he smells bad as well, cause he was born like that.
15. Smoker?
~I am gonna kill him.
16. Drinker?
~Drink??? What he wants to drink? Fruit juice, coffee, tea... So many choices, I can make 1 for him.
17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
~That's cool also.
18. Muscular?
~Emm Aiyo told already !!! Medium la!!!
19. Plays piano?
~Err, not really necessary.
20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
~He's cool.
21. Plays violin?
~That would be MY PRINCE!!! ( You believe me ar? )
22. Sings very good?
~Um, yeah must! I don't want he cannot sing well but still thick face somemore sing loudly.
23. Vain?
~Must be loh!!! But also must have his own way of thinking.
24. With glasses?
~Can also! But some guys with specs very handsome eh. I like more polite people.
25. With brace?
~I'm blur.
26. Shy type?
~Not too shy... Cause I'm already shy!!! He must be the opposite side of me, then it will be better.
27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
~Good boy boy loh of course!!!
28. Active or passive?
~Active! Hee... Better can go crazy with me in topics or whatever when we should!!!
29. Tight or bomb?
~Half half la.
30. Singer or dancer?
~Cannot la, later he too popular no time accompany me, some more has to escape from papparazi.
31. Stunner?
~Cannot la! Too dangerous. I will worry anytime he will die.
32. Hiphop?
~Anything loh. Why asking all these almost similar question 1. Bored.
33. Earrings?
~One side will do. But My parents don't like, no choice loh even I don't mind. Cause they sure critic and... you know. PANTANG ( Cause looks girlish )
34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
~ I want someone to be my prince and I be his princess forever!!!
35. Dimples?
~If he has, anything also can.
36. Bookworm?
~Don't bookworm until leave me aside can already. It is good as well cause we can read together and shop the bookstore!!!
37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
~Super touching already!!! If he's the guy I admire. But must be touching love letter la, that's why guys must be KNOWLEDGEABLE.
38. Playful?
~Must act according to situation, but don't playful until shows that you are immature.
39. Flirt?
~A bit can la, but must be from true heart, if not I will just ignore I that is too cheesy for me. You know too cheesy can make people like me dislike cheese so much vomit 1.
40. Poem writer?
~Not bad also.
41. Serious?
~Of course la!!!
42. Campus crush?
~No way... Later got rumors around. So stressed you know!!!
43. Painter?
~Wow I love it. Cause he sure can draw a nice 1!!! Then can see the look when he's concentrating loh.
44. Religious?
~Ok for me, but my parents... Haiz again, PANTANG. kesian. However I still love him ^^
45. Someone who likes to tease people?
~Not too much, if not I will get emo.
46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
~No No No!!! Internet still ok, but depends on what kind of Internet activities he does.
47. Speaks 20 languages?
~He's wonderful. But I don't mind he only knows how to speak 1 or 2 languages.
48. Loyal or faithful?
~Both la.
49. good kisser
~What to do with it oh? I prefer communication more.
50. loves children??
~Of course la!!! I don't want to live with a husband or even a boyfriend who is an abuser!!! NO WAY!!!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Unexpected
Things went like this. At first, Lynn and I planned to go for karaoke today, but then I asked whether want to call her boyfriend along with us or not, her boyfriend agreed, but he did not want anyone to interrupt the two of them. So, in order to let both of them have their sweet world, I have to find another person to accompany me. At first I asked B, then he said that he will be having exam next week, this week might not coming back to Klang. I asked him not to force himself, but after few days he told me that he will be coming back this weekend. I felt sorry, maybe he made this decision just because wanted to accompany me. I rejected. Then I asked A, see whether he can accompany me or not, he agreed as well...I told him that B will be going, but then A did not want to pick him up because he stayed too far. At first, I thought of inviting both of them out so that the situation won't be so awkward. However at last I rejected the two of them, and I apologized to them. I told my friend about this problem, and I did not know what should I do. Because Lynn wanted me to be with her so much, without me by her side she will feel unsecured. I tried my best to be, but her boyfriend insisted that want to have their couple date, she was so uneasy and I did not hope to see her like this. My friend told me, if I don't want to be people's light bulb, just reject. At last, I really cannot find any person to go with me, and I don't feel like going with A and B, so I rejected her. Today the two of them have a sweet date, the first couple date for them.
Everything just went unexpectedly. So many things happened this evening. I thought I could spend my Sunday evening together with my best friend, chatting happily in the cafe, but then... Hmm. I don't want to talk about that matter... It was another worse day for her and me... Especially her, feeling pity and worry for her now, since she was forced to go home. I left the cafe after that, then walked to the parking lot. I don't think that time I can concentrate on driving. I drove there today, by my own. I sat in the car, feeling upset and overwhelmed. I totally lost my strength... I wonder what will happen to her... But I cannot do anything, not even a thing... That time I am going to cry already... Almost. However I tried to calm myself down and took a deep breathe. I messaged and asked someone whether he can call me or not. At last he called, we had our conversation... Not knowing what to do, that time while I were talking to him, I almost cried... But then I still held back all my negative feeling and try to stay calm. I prayed to God that, hope nothing will happen to her anymore... No more... It is enough for her all these time... Too much she has to bear with her emotional struggle. Please don't let her feel lost and hopeless... I am so sad that I cannot be by her side when she needs me... She needs to rely on someone... But now there is no one there for her... Sure she is suffering... My God...
During dinner time, I was chatting with A. I consider that we quarreled by messaging each other. I don't know, I just can't get him. Before this everything was fine... Since that day we quarreled in msn, everything seems to change. He said that I am scary now, no longer loving and caring like last time... He said he prefer the innocent me... The reason I am who I am today is because of all those sadness and hurt I got, after I had gone through so many stuff... Now I am just trying to protect myself. Why... I am so disappointed that, friends telling that I am scary or what... If it is then just stay away from me, since you guys treat me as a Monster. Scary... Loving... Caring... Why do I have to live according to every one's wishes? I did try my best to do everything, but then why you all still want to mention about those past and make things even worse?! I really had all those negative emotions enough. Why bother the past? You guys are the one who told me that whatever life should go on or we have to move on. Now? Who is the one mentioning the past??? Asking me not to remind of those past, now repeating in front of so many times!!! Why is it? I am totally sick of it!! You guys are really annoying !!! I can't get what you guys want from me?!!!! Don't you understand language? I want my phone to keep silent!!! I don't care what kind of feeling you have towards me, once I have rejected you means nothing more!!! Why still bothering me... When I said I don't want to chat I really mean it!!! Why? Is it I am from another planet? Why?!!!!! Don't regret when I speak cruelly!!! Long time I never been cruel to friends!!! Forget the past can You!!?! Don't mention it in front of me or even asking me something connected to those sensitive past!!! Never Ever!!! Got it? Please... It is enough for me...
Everything just went unexpectedly. So many things happened this evening. I thought I could spend my Sunday evening together with my best friend, chatting happily in the cafe, but then... Hmm. I don't want to talk about that matter... It was another worse day for her and me... Especially her, feeling pity and worry for her now, since she was forced to go home. I left the cafe after that, then walked to the parking lot. I don't think that time I can concentrate on driving. I drove there today, by my own. I sat in the car, feeling upset and overwhelmed. I totally lost my strength... I wonder what will happen to her... But I cannot do anything, not even a thing... That time I am going to cry already... Almost. However I tried to calm myself down and took a deep breathe. I messaged and asked someone whether he can call me or not. At last he called, we had our conversation... Not knowing what to do, that time while I were talking to him, I almost cried... But then I still held back all my negative feeling and try to stay calm. I prayed to God that, hope nothing will happen to her anymore... No more... It is enough for her all these time... Too much she has to bear with her emotional struggle. Please don't let her feel lost and hopeless... I am so sad that I cannot be by her side when she needs me... She needs to rely on someone... But now there is no one there for her... Sure she is suffering... My God...
During dinner time, I was chatting with A. I consider that we quarreled by messaging each other. I don't know, I just can't get him. Before this everything was fine... Since that day we quarreled in msn, everything seems to change. He said that I am scary now, no longer loving and caring like last time... He said he prefer the innocent me... The reason I am who I am today is because of all those sadness and hurt I got, after I had gone through so many stuff... Now I am just trying to protect myself. Why... I am so disappointed that, friends telling that I am scary or what... If it is then just stay away from me, since you guys treat me as a Monster. Scary... Loving... Caring... Why do I have to live according to every one's wishes? I did try my best to do everything, but then why you all still want to mention about those past and make things even worse?! I really had all those negative emotions enough. Why bother the past? You guys are the one who told me that whatever life should go on or we have to move on. Now? Who is the one mentioning the past??? Asking me not to remind of those past, now repeating in front of so many times!!! Why is it? I am totally sick of it!! You guys are really annoying !!! I can't get what you guys want from me?!!!! Don't you understand language? I want my phone to keep silent!!! I don't care what kind of feeling you have towards me, once I have rejected you means nothing more!!! Why still bothering me... When I said I don't want to chat I really mean it!!! Why? Is it I am from another planet? Why?!!!!! Don't regret when I speak cruelly!!! Long time I never been cruel to friends!!! Forget the past can You!!?! Don't mention it in front of me or even asking me something connected to those sensitive past!!! Never Ever!!! Got it? Please... It is enough for me...
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