Coming to the end of September

Since classes resumed, I have to wake up very early everyday again. Today is the due date for my individual assignment and I am glad that i passed up in time. Ahh the mid semester results still consider moderate, but our tutor still scolded us because not good enough, and for her is very bad. Hmm... Anyway I am going to finish my foundation course already! Another 1 and a half months then I can graduate already :P (just from foundation) After that I will have 3 years to go for my degree. Can you imagine that if I finish everything in time, by the time I am just 21 or 22 years old? Haha how young! However, now I realized that without getting myself involving in a relationship actually is quite a good idea and wonderful life. Of course if you found the one you truly love, sure will be more happy and lucky! Hmm anyway I can just wait for my chance. Since everyone is waiting also, I am not the only one. Haha... Ok let's wait... See how long I can be single! :P

Yesterday I went to Subang Paws Animal Centre together with my group members to perform our community service for our Moral Education Assignment! Each of us walked one dog and then bathed them. Quite a happy day... Haha. First time doing all these! But I didn't take pictures. Only my friends took.

More and more assignments are coming up... Have to recharge myself and do the best! Hopefully I can graduate this year.... T.T it must be a MUST!!! I don't want to retake~~~! Ganbate!

I am feeling very very dizzy now... I wonder is it because I am sitting in front of the computer or what... Or my health... Hmm... I wonder why? Or too exhausted? My dear don't attack me again... Dizziness and headache is enough for me to suffer. Feeling like light headed and a bit sleepy. What is wrong with me again? Hmm..

Friend's Sore Throat Day

Yumiko, Wei Vian, Candice & Me.
We went to NEWAY sing k lah... 1st time taking group photos with this 3 girls, because we rarely spend time together... Or should I say I rarely spend time with them. haha. Anyway the four of us enjoyed the day and... all got sore throat after that already. XD

Brand New Day!

Yay finally holiday~! Haha. So happy... Just finished my exam. Long time didn't blog already. Nothing much to share but just want to share my happiness here! Today I'm full of happiness. Cause... Haha secret. Anyway just hope he will be safe back from Penang. I wonder if he forgets to inform me that he's back safely... Umm, today I touched the violin! It's so light... Ahh I like it. Haha... I'm too happy already. I'm going to learn violin soon! However, you always have to pay in order to possess the real happiness right... I'm going to pay for it very soon. You can imagine that how busy I will be after taking up violin class next month. Hmm hmm hope I can do it! Better don't stress out! Ganbate Ne Miyako!!! By the way, today I got my Grade 6 practical result, just got PASS, but then it is... Hmm I have tried my best, moreover a lot of teachers commenting that the examiner this year is very strict. No choice, have to work harder from now!!! But I like the examiner's comment, good comment so that I can improve. Hehe. Happy-ing!!! Happy Holiday~! Ahh I miss my piano and violin... Going to get a violin soon. Thanks to my both parents and I'm very grateful to the two of them and God, give me such opportunity to learn piano and violin... Provide me everything. Love you!!! Yosh~ Ganbate!

Losing my Soul...

Thursday night, so upset.
Whole Friday, dying off...
Today, force myself to stay focus.
Because, I MUST.

Next week, 14th is my mid exam. These two days 2 of my friends came to my house and study together with me. I don't know how the exam result will be after next week... I feel like dying off now... Since Thursday night... OMG... What happened to me... I really don't know why... I lost my soul.

Thursday night I came back quite late, can said that I came back on Friday morning 1am. I slept for 3 hours only then woke up again, attend for class which started at 8am. 6.30am already I went to the train station.

Sigh... What am I doing... What is this I am feeling... How can I get over it... Why is it such a big impact on me...

Frustrated with me already is it? Fine...

How'd you know I didn't move on..?

Why you guys always like to judge me without observing the real me putting effort?

I'm disappointed.

Why should I blame them? Why should I blame you?

I just wanted to say : You left me, starting anew there... leaving me here. Funny...

Why should I say this sentence? I should not... I have no rights to say such thing...

No rights... Because I'm the one who leaves you at first.

My retribution... Cause I have leave you alone.

I don't deserve anyone to love me.

Never ever... Guys... Awake! I'm worthless for you guys.

Especially For You, 10Th September, 2009.

10Th of September, the day you left to U.S. At first I can't send you at the air port... That time I was going to give up already, since I have no transport and quite tired, but I felt that if I do not go, I will feel very sad. That's why I asked Tiffany about the transportation problem, even though have to trouble the others I still want to go. Just to fulfill my hope, just to do what I have promised you before this.

I thought I would not cry when you left... But after you really left, taking one footstep continue by another, my heart started to feel heavy and upset. I not dare to cry in front of so many people, and I not dare to cry in front of myself... Because I do not want to admit the truth that I will be upset with your leaving. At the air port, while all of us were taking pictures and talking to each other, you didn't even look at me or talk to me even you stood in front of me, so close in front. I watched you taking pictures with most of your girl friends, except for those younger than you, including me, I felt myself being ignored. Not to say completely ignored, just a kind of feeling that, we are going to be far apart soon... I knew that you didn't look at me was because you will feel upset... I think I am the same as you. That's why the both of us, didn't talk to each other at all. Even saying goodbye... You didn't say anything, didn't wave your hand to me, although I tried to wave to you, hoping that you can see it.

You told Christal that, on that day you are departing, if she sees anyone cries, this represents that girl is your ex girl friend. I think she could not figure out who is that, and might misunderstand another girl is. I calmed myself down and made sure that I am in a neutral mood (neutral mode). However, until you really left, then only my eyes started to fill up with tears. I walked behind of them, and Tiffany was accompanying me all the time... I dare not to cry... Even the tears didn't really drop. The moment I really dropped a single tear was on the way home in the car without having anyone's notice. While we were at the air port, watching so many friends took pictures with you, how I hoped we take picture, at least one... just with me... But we didn't... We only took few group photos. You and I were standing so far apart even in those photos. You know? There's no object which can represent our appearance in each other life. Only our memories in our mind...

To tell the truth I appreciate it a lot, every moment together with you. You always gave me something unexpected. This year you have given me the best Valentine so far, the best Birthday Present for last year, the best couple dating and we went on eating around + shopping, the most gentleman which always served me my meal. You're nice... Just sometimes I dislike you force me to do something I am unwilling to. The Birthday Present you gave me last year, I had lost it, together with the Valentine Present, a necklace. That was a nice one... Pretty, and suits me. I still wear it for some time... I like the necklace is around me. Later on I changed it and putted it together with the bracelet which was my Birthday Present. One day I just lost it... I dropped it. Maybe everything was already destined. The time I lost that bracelet and necklace, I was wondering that one day you also will just leave here, and everything I possess now will fade away.

Now, you have left... Somehow I regretted that I didn't talk much to you before you left, didn't ask you to be careful and take care while living over there. The reason I don't, was because I know you know what to do and I believe in you. I really don't like to admit that I am feeling a bit regret, cause I always tell myself, once a decision have been made, there will be no regrets. I never look back just because I don't want to regret. However, now you have left. Well it is not really something big though... It was just that, the feeling of upset still hanging around me.

I know since last time you already worrying about me after you leave for U.S. Got once I was very angry with you just because you said that I might change and become a clubbing girl or whatever. Anyway, don't worry about me... I am much more stronger now. I gave my promise to you, believe in me... I know you hope I won't get influenced easily too. I will study very hard over here, make sure you take care of yourself over there.

Owh, the Farewell Party... That day, it was a memorable day for me. You still treated me nice and served me as well... even fed me few times. I didn't reject... Somehow I felt happy that day you were sitting with me, not the other girls. Thank you so much. Now everything is over, you will forget all of us, and me very soon... Very soon... Well, wish you lead an enjoyable and successful life over there! You were there whenever I needed you before this. The only ex which brought the sweetest memories to me, and knows how to appreciate me... I know you love me from your heart, cause I can feel it. Thank You... CM.

(If possible, please bring 1 necklace and bracelet for me one day when you are coming back. ^^)

Your Dearest,
Kathrina Lim Ling Hong

Challenging for Me

Such a long time I never online already. Before this my brother's laptop connection got problem... What to say... So many things happened these days. The past stuff I would just ignore, but few days ago the Saturday, I went to my ex's farewell party out of a sudden. I didn't even know anything about that party was being held, while I was studying in my room, my brother's gf just ran into my room and pulled me out, saying that we have to attend XXX farewell party. Yeah he's leaving, to U.S for study. How to say? My mind and heart quite complicated that night, cause I didn't think that I will meet him again, and the time I met him was the last time having dinner together with him. At first of course I told myself nothing much and it was just a farewell dinner. My mom asked me to go that day cause she does not wants me to stay inside the room whole day. That night he sat beside me. I'm glad, at the same time my heart felt complicated. I thought a lot of things and talked to myself inside my heart. I didn't talk much with him that night, but he still served me those food and drinks. I thank him for being so concern and kind to me. That night, don't know why I felt relieved as he chose to sit beside me, not other girls. Anyway there's nothing more than that... Just the 1st time after broke up I still managed to sit together with my ex and eat. That was the first time, and I hope it will be the last time. To tell the truth, I still cannot really manage to face all those ex bravely... But if it is just a phone contact then I am totally alright with it, just face to face, for me is too much... It needs a lot of courage you know.

That night after I reached home, wanna go to bed... Unfortunately I cannot sleep that night. My mind was a mess and I thought a lot of stuff. Well, he's leaving... This Thursday, 10th of September. Nowadays I'm very busy with my studies, assignment deadline is this Friday but we haven't done anything much. Stressed... I would learn to say it is challenging rather than saying it is stressed. Everything already ended. Already... I don't think that much anymore, and I still have to live on despite anything happens. Miyako... Ganbate ne.