Unexpected

Things went like this. At first, Lynn and I planned to go for karaoke today, but then I asked whether want to call her boyfriend along with us or not, her boyfriend agreed, but he did not want anyone to interrupt the two of them. So, in order to let both of them have their sweet world, I have to find another person to accompany me. At first I asked B, then he said that he will be having exam next week, this week might not coming back to Klang. I asked him not to force himself, but after few days he told me that he will be coming back this weekend. I felt sorry, maybe he made this decision just because wanted to accompany me. I rejected. Then I asked A, see whether he can accompany me or not, he agreed as well...I told him that B will be going, but then A did not want to pick him up because he stayed too far. At first, I thought of inviting both of them out so that the situation won't be so awkward. However at last I rejected the two of them, and I apologized to them. I told my friend about this problem, and I did not know what should I do. Because Lynn wanted me to be with her so much, without me by her side she will feel unsecured. I tried my best to be, but her boyfriend insisted that want to have their couple date, she was so uneasy and I did not hope to see her like this. My friend told me, if I don't want to be people's light bulb, just reject. At last, I really cannot find any person to go with me, and I don't feel like going with A and B, so I rejected her. Today the two of them have a sweet date, the first couple date for them.

Everything just went unexpectedly. So many things happened this evening. I thought I could spend my Sunday evening together with my best friend, chatting happily in the cafe, but then... Hmm. I don't want to talk about that matter... It was another worse day for her and me... Especially her, feeling pity and worry for her now, since she was forced to go home. I left the cafe after that, then walked to the parking lot. I don't think that time I can concentrate on driving. I drove there today, by my own. I sat in the car, feeling upset and overwhelmed. I totally lost my strength... I wonder what will happen to her... But I cannot do anything, not even a thing... That time I am going to cry already... Almost. However I tried to calm myself down and took a deep breathe. I messaged and asked someone whether he can call me or not. At last he called, we had our conversation... Not knowing what to do, that time while I were talking to him, I almost cried... But then I still held back all my negative feeling and try to stay calm. I prayed to God that, hope nothing will happen to her anymore... No more... It is enough for her all these time... Too much she has to bear with her emotional struggle. Please don't let her feel lost and hopeless... I am so sad that I cannot be by her side when she needs me... She needs to rely on someone... But now there is no one there for her... Sure she is suffering... My God...

During dinner time, I was chatting with A. I consider that we quarreled by messaging each other. I don't know, I just can't get him. Before this everything was fine... Since that day we quarreled in msn, everything seems to change. He said that I am scary now, no longer loving and caring like last time... He said he prefer the innocent me... The reason I am who I am today is because of all those sadness and hurt I got, after I had gone through so many stuff... Now I am just trying to protect myself. Why... I am so disappointed that, friends telling that I am scary or what... If it is then just stay away from me, since you guys treat me as a Monster. Scary... Loving... Caring... Why do I have to live according to every one's wishes? I did try my best to do everything, but then why you all still want to mention about those past and make things even worse?! I really had all those negative emotions enough. Why bother the past? You guys are the one who told me that whatever life should go on or we have to move on. Now? Who is the one mentioning the past??? Asking me not to remind of those past, now repeating in front of so many times!!! Why is it? I am totally sick of it!! You guys are really annoying !!! I can't get what you guys want from me?!!!! Don't you understand language? I want my phone to keep silent!!! I don't care what kind of feeling you have towards me, once I have rejected you means nothing more!!! Why still bothering me... When I said I don't want to chat I really mean it!!! Why? Is it I am from another planet? Why?!!!!! Don't regret when I speak cruelly!!! Long time I never been cruel to friends!!! Forget the past can You!!?! Don't mention it in front of me or even asking me something connected to those sensitive past!!! Never Ever!!! Got it? Please... It is enough for me...