Feeling heavy

Today, 1st of October is Christal's birthday. I don't know whether I wanted to go or not. Actually I'm clear that I want to go, just that something is bothering me and now I'm hesitating whether to go or not. I'm afraid that I will be very tired and have no enough sleep if I choose to go because I will be back a bit late, although not that late... I need someone to talk to , to express my feeling... I wonder who can I talk to... Assignments... How I hope I can push it aside sometimes, just for a while. How I wish there is a shoulder there for me... T.T cry. Haiz... Hmm... Sometimes I really feel that things are really impossible to happen in my life. What should I do... Feeling weird and quite upset. I'm missing someone... Really miss...